What Makes You Think It’s Okay

As I am about to share my most personal post to date, I must make it known that what happened really weighed on my mind heavily throughout the day. I contemplated writing this all down in the fear that it may be taken as a ‘poor me’ post but maybe that’s the problem with everything on my mind. If something happens to us, why must we be so fearful of speaking out or what others may think? You’ll get what I really mean in a moment.

My Sunday mornings have been pretty typical over the last few months; sleep in a bit (most likely until 8:30/9- my teenage years are behind me!), eat a quick breakfast, head to the gym and settle in for football. Today was supposed to be nothing different. I wasn’t supposed to feel out of sorts.

As I began settling into my workout with Eminem’s ‘White America’ blaring in my headphones, I was approached by another gym-goer that I had seen before. Our first encounter was less than appreciated. He made uninvited comments about my looks and how he’d been watching me workout over the course of a few months. Pretty much enough to make anyone feel creeped out! Since then I have made a conscious effort to avoid this person and to not give them the idea that I have any interest in entertaining anything he has to say. Today was the first time in a while that he approached me.

Seeing him leaning up against the machine I was using, I tore out one of my headphones with a “what is it?” sort of look. What he said next really shook me.

“Good morning. How are you doing?” he asked. “Fine. Thank you,” I responded, eager to get back to my workout. Before I could get that earbud back in, he quickly said the following: “I just wanted to say what you did last week was very mean and unfair.” Not knowing what he was talking about, I responded with a “what are you talking about?” His response: “While I was doing my back workout, you were standing in front of be bending over and that’s just not fair.” I’m sure at that moment, the color was gone from my face and my mouth was wide open. A very small handful of times I am at a loss for words and it was happening right then. Where was my typical witty response? What happened to the big “F-U” that would take this guys out at his knees? Nothing was coming to mind so I put my headphones back in in hopes that the rap music would fuel my anger. It didn’t.

As I moved from machine to machine, all I could think about was what he said and how he said it. It was so causal, like someone talking about the weather equipped with a sly smirk. What makes a man or anyone think that saying something like this is okay? I started to feel insecure. What was I doing that day? Were my workout clothes revealing? Were my move provocative? Should I be more aware of what I am doing? This isn’t me, I thought. Why should I be blaming myself over this situation when I am not the problem here?! I even quickly thought about changing gyms and getting away from this person but again it’s like why should I change who I am and what I do over someone’s words?

When a girl gets raped, it’s probably because her skirt was too short. When a girl uses her mind, she’s a bitch. When a girl feels confident in her gym clothes and her workouts, she’s a distraction. What can we do as women where we aren’t the ones to blame?

From the photo above, you can see the change in my demeanor. I kept looking down at my feet in-between weight sets because I felt insecure. I kept going over the scenario in my mind and started to feel angry that I didn’t put the guy in his place.

Well, the chance presented itself.

Wrapping up my workout on the treadmill, eagerly pushing to make it home for the Patriots game, he appeared again right in front of me. I was suddenly so angry about the situation, my safety and having to defend myself, I took my headphones completely off this time and before he said a word I said, “You need to get away from me and leave me alone. I am not interested in anything you have to say. Stay away from me.” I said it loud unsure it if was due to the fact that I wanted people to hear or that the music had been blaring in my ears to drown out my thoughts. Of course he started laughing and walked away. I was glad that I said what needed to be said but still didn’t feel safe.

He told me before he was watching me, expressed an uncomfortable attraction and already crossed the line in communication. What am I to do now? Why are we as women constantly faced with these situations and what makes anyone think it’s okay?

 

 

Hey There Face. Night To Meet You!

So before I get started into the details of this posting, I want to emphasize that I wasn’t capitalizing on all those cool and trendy “Cosmo” articles about not wearing makeup for a week or how dressing like Kim Kardashian made my life change. This is not about that, it’s more about identifying what really makes you, well, you.

Over the last two weeks, I have been off from work to take some much needed vacation time, without a vacation plan. I mean a mental break is definitely great but when you don’t have much to do, it can be hellish. I do think though, this was the first break from work I have taken in a while where I was able to sit back, relax, and not stress about where to be or how much money I was spending. I went to the gym, caught up with some friends, and did day trips to the beach. During this time, I actually stopped caring what I looked like.

As much as we all say “I really don’t care what people think of me or how I look,” we definitely do. We take some extra time to brush our hair, wear a shirt that isn’t covered in stains (usually) and apply some makeup so we can actually face the world. Well during my break, I did 2 out of the 3. I wasn’t really slaving over my hair and definitely had no desire to put makeup on. About a week in, I caught myself in the mirror and was a little taken back at how I looked. This was actually the first time in a while that I saw myself without any leftover makeup-because let’s be serious-as much as we wash and wipe it off our faces, there is always some left overs or at least your face does not look completely blank! Here I was though, skin exposed and eyes not lined, who was this chick? I’m not saying I prefer myself without makeup but it was definitely interesting to see who I really am underneath it all. Sometimes we need to take some time for ourselves, slow down, and identify who we are both on the surface and internally.

As I sit at my desk to close out this post, I’m wearing my usual makeup and feel pretty good about it. But there is a makeup free “selfie” in my phone that I pull out every now and then to remember the girl behind it all.

Give Me Some Breathing Room, Bro!

I’m not sure if this is a new revelation on my part but what is the deal with people and their ridiculous separation anxiety? No, I’m not talking about the dog that evacuates his bowels when you leave the house in fear of being alone. That makes me sad. In fact, I’d probably quit my job or strongly negotiate taking my pet to work with me. Unfortunately for humans, I’m not as emotional or passionate about your loneliness and would prefer if you would get the heck away from me!

What is my rant about this time? Well it’s about the people who have a false sense of personal space and really don’t have any issue in invading yours. Don’t start shaking your head and say this is mean. Come on! You have experienced it too! For instance, let’s talk about all the times when I bring my dog to the park. I purposely park in a spot far away from any other cars. You know the one spot that isn’t anything special, not near anything, but surrounded by 50 OPEN parking spots. Yup, that one. So off I go thinking I don’t have to worry about trying to limbo my way back into the front seat only to return to a godforsaken Honda Civic on top of my door! I often look to try to find the person that dared to invade my area but they are nowhere to be found. Why must they do this? Do they have a fear that their car will be lonely when they leave it?

Let me not forget to mention the gym because we all know who I’m talking about. That annoying person who needs to pick the machine directly next to you even though there is a bank of identical ones open, free, and ready to use. Anyone ever give the side-eye to these people and then strategically look around to emphasize the fact that there are plenty of other machines they could use? Yea well they don’t take the hint and instead you’re subjected to viewing them stretch their hamstring up on the treadmill rail next to you. That whole scenario just ruins my workout flow. You feel me?

Finally, to the people on the train, get a flipping clue. Public transportation is creepy enough riding along with a bunch of smelly people you don’t know. The last thing I need is for you to grab the seat closest to me in the empty train car. If I can see you in my peripherals, you’re too damn close. If I can hear you breathing through your mouth, you’re overstepping my bounds. And (yes, I’m starting a sentence with “and”) if we lock eyes during this joy ride, you can guarantee that I hate you and I have your creepy face saved to my phone in case I have to call the cops. I can see it all unfold tonight on Channel 7.

Who Do You Think You Are

For a while now, I have been tuning into TLC’s “Who Do You Think You Are?” where celebrities explore their family history and background. If you have not seen it, it is really intriguing and I highly suggest that you tune in for an episode or two. Although it is rather amazing what the experts on the show come to find about past relatives, it made me wonder if this information could we easily uncovered by an everyday person. Since I am not quite famous yet, my chances of getting on that show are rather slim so I decided after seeing the many endorsements of ancestry.com, I would give it a whirl.

Let me just say that history has always been exciting to me. If I had to go back and change my career path, I would probably be a history teacher because I enjoy it so much. Once I logged onto ancestry.com, I was immediately hooked and found myself wanting to go further and further back into my family history. Everything from the old census to photographs to my great grandfather’s citizenship card were things I probably would not be able to view without the help of the website. Although all are very interesting, it made me feel sad that I am not able to share these newly found documents with my grandparents. My grandmother passed away in 2005, which now seems like a lifetime ago. Exploring where she and her ancestors came from (we were not really clear on my grandmother’s heritage), really makes me regret not spending more time with her. Her husband, my grandfather, passed away in 2009 and we were very close. I even wrote a few papers about him and his life in Ireland when I was in college but being able to view the journey of his family, makes my heart feel heavy.

If anything, all of this has shown me the importance of not only knowing where you came from but who your family really is. I’m Italian, Irish, and may possibly have a hint of English pumping through my veins and I’m proud of that. I feel lucky to have come from a line of people that made the journey across the Atlantic and settled in Boston. I hope I do enough in my life to leave a mark or at least some sort of impression on the next generation.

A Drink Is A Drink Is A Drink

The weather is just starting to change and you know what that means boots, balls, and bruskies. Ah, wait. I don’t drink beer. To be honest, I rarely drink any alcohol at all. It’s more of a personal decision that I made a while ago not because I am against it, but I just don’t really have any desire to. Being that I identify as a pretty social 20 something year old, the thought that I prefer to sip water over cocktails during a night out has presented some interesting scenarios. It’s almost comical that the spotlight burns brightly on the person that is not drinking rather than on the drunken fool making an ass out of themselves. I’ve never been a bar girl; I have no desire to try to have conversations in loud, congested settings where people are spilling drinks and rubbing up against you. But if a friend wants to go out to a bar for their birthday, hey I’m a team player and I’ll definitely be there! Now just imagine all those faces of those in the party group when you say that “you’re good” when it comes to ordering a drink. It almost becomes a game for those around you. “Just have a drink,” “I want to see you drunk.” Even when you let them know that you are driving home that night or have an early day, it’s a challenge presented to them and they are foaming at the mouth to accomplish it.

Where did all this pressure come from for not drinking? I never really felt the magnitude of this decision in my high school and college years, granted I didn’t have such a strong stance on drinking and drank if I wanted to. Why now as a responsible adult do I have to encounter this? I really don’t have a taste for alcohol or a desire to get blacked out and wake up with a horrendous hangover. If you’ve read any of my other postings, you’ll know that I’m really enthused about health and fitness and it would be difficult to achieve those goals with Bud Light sloshing around in my stomach. Why can’t no just be no and that be the end of it?

What is the point of this rant? Well unless you start off your morning with Mimosa, you know that you don’t need alcohol to get through your day. I can actually enjoy myself in social settings without any drink in hand. I often wonder if my not drinking makes those who are a little self-conscience. Why would they care if I’m not drinking? You do what makes you happy and I’ll do the same. I’d rather be chugging water once I cross the finish line at my next race, not puking in the bushes a half mile in. So cheers to those who will engage in Thirsty Thursday tomorrow. That choice is yours and I’ll be making mine.

The Simple Life

As the saying goes, “age ain’t nothing but a number,” but I cannot shake the fact that I will be 28 years old in just a few weeks. Although society tells us that this age is still rather young, I can’t help but wonder where the time went and how quickly it went by. Working in Higher Education and interacting with students as young as 18 years old almost forces me reflect on what life was like in the “old days.” Ten years ago, I was wrapping up my senior year of high school and wondering if I was going to be accepted to college. My schedule consisted of waking up, going to school, basketball practice, socializing with friends, and traveling to my part-time job. Life seemed so “simple” yet stressful then.

Fast forward to present day and of course, most of my priorities have changed but surprisingly, on my own terms. When I graduated college and was struggling to find a job, I always wished I could go back in to the “simple” life, the comfort I had in that four year cocoon; no school loans, insignificant bills, and parents to rely on. The handcuffs of school work had finally come off and though I sought independence, I still wanted that security. That was six years ago and up until not long ago, I still held on to some of those feelings.

My last few months of being a 27 year old in this world has taught me that where I am right now may indeed be the real definition of the “simple” life. I chose a job that I truly enjoy. Stay in touch and keep up relationships with those that I want to. Schedule my life on my own terms, without having to ask permission. I have a new perspective on the world and about life that I didn’t have even a year ago. Yes, bills suck and life certainly doesn’t go the way that you plan it to but I figure if you stress over achieving the perfect life, you may not get it!