I’m not sure if this is a new revelation on my part but what is the deal with people and their ridiculous separation anxiety? No, I’m not talking about the dog that evacuates his bowels when you leave the house in fear of being alone. That makes me sad. In fact, I’d probably quit my job or strongly negotiate taking my pet to work with me. Unfortunately for humans, I’m not as emotional or passionate about your loneliness and would prefer if you would get the heck away from me!
What is my rant about this time? Well it’s about the people who have a false sense of personal space and really don’t have any issue in invading yours. Don’t start shaking your head and say this is mean. Come on! You have experienced it too! For instance, let’s talk about all the times when I bring my dog to the park. I purposely park in a spot far away from any other cars. You know the one spot that isn’t anything special, not near anything, but surrounded by 50 OPEN parking spots. Yup, that one. So off I go thinking I don’t have to worry about trying to limbo my way back into the front seat only to return to a godforsaken Honda Civic on top of my door! I often look to try to find the person that dared to invade my area but they are nowhere to be found. Why must they do this? Do they have a fear that their car will be lonely when they leave it?
Let me not forget to mention the gym because we all know who I’m talking about. That annoying person who needs to pick the machine directly next to you even though there is a bank of identical ones open, free, and ready to use. Anyone ever give the side-eye to these people and then strategically look around to emphasize the fact that there are plenty of other machines they could use? Yea well they don’t take the hint and instead you’re subjected to viewing them stretch their hamstring up on the treadmill rail next to you. That whole scenario just ruins my workout flow. You feel me?
Finally, to the people on the train, get a flipping clue. Public transportation is creepy enough riding along with a bunch of smelly people you don’t know. The last thing I need is for you to grab the seat closest to me in the empty train car. If I can see you in my peripherals, you’re too damn close. If I can hear you breathing through your mouth, you’re overstepping my bounds. And (yes, I’m starting a sentence with “and”) if we lock eyes during this joy ride, you can guarantee that I hate you and I have your creepy face saved to my phone in case I have to call the cops. I can see it all unfold tonight on Channel 7.